Saturday, January 22, 2011

I don't want to forget this feeling!

Earlier today I was thinking about how I haven't blogged in about a week and I was trying to think about what has happened in the past week (such as finding out that Hayden is allergic to peanuts and almonds) and what I wanted to write about.  Then I decided that I wanted to write about how great I have been feeling lately!  I haven't been complaining as much.  Those who know me may think that I don't complain a lot, but I do on the inside.  At times, I grumble to myself about Hayden waking up early, about not having enough time to get things done, about Terry, about the boys.  I love Terry and the boys and am thankful for them, but I am such a planner that if things don't go the way I thought they would or the way I had planned for them to go I grumble to myself.  In fact, I just realized that is another way that Isaac is like me.  Just a little while ago he was trying to play something and Hayden wasn't doing what he wanted him to and he said "This isn't going how I planned!"  Another aspect of how I have been feeling is that I am trying to spend more quality time with the boys and not sweat the small stuff like things I want to get done around the house.  I am telling myself that when I can (like when the boys are watching a show, playing with daddy, or napping) get stuff done I will, but what doesn't get done, doesn't get done.  I am also spending more time in prayer.  I try to start my morning by saying a quick prayer (I say quick because I try to do this right when I wake up and that is usually when Hayden is crying for me to come get him) thanking God for the new day and asking that I will have a good attitude and be the best mother and wife that I can be and to be a light for Him.  I have also been getting back in the habit of praying before I go to bed, reflecting on the day.  Besides praying when I first wake up and before I go to bed I have also been talking to God throughout the day, when I get frustrated, when I need patience, when I watch our boys do something that makes me want to say thank you, thank you for these precious gifts, when I need advice, etc.  I have also recently started reading a book called "Crazy Love" by Francis Chan.  This book was recommended by our friends Jeff and Erin who we are in a small group Bible study with.  They said it was a wonderful, life-changing book and that our small group should read it and discuss it together.  I just finished chapter 2 and it is a great book.  It talks about God's amazing, crazy love for each of us.  The book helps you to come to know God and his love better.  Once you truly know God and his love then the response of your love should be just as crazy!  If we truly love God then it should show in the way we live our lives.  This change in the way I have been feeling started a couple weeks ago when I prayed that I would talk to Him constantly and develop a closer relationship with Him.  I prayed that He would fill me up and that I would be a light for Him.    I feel like His answer has been I will give you what you ask for and More!  I feel like he is saying stick with Me and I will make changes in your life that you may or may not be ready for.

The main reason that I wanted to write about this is because I have been on top of the mountain before.  I don't know if I have ever felt quite like this because no two feelings even if they are both joyous are exactly alike, but I have prayed throughout each day before and felt close to God.  I have been on the mountain at one moment and in the valley the next.  Times that I am not close to God I wonder why, why have I lost my focus when being close to Him is so amazing!  I am determined to continue to develop a closer and closer relationship with Him, talk to Him all throughout each day, and be a servant to others for Him, but if I slip back into the valley I pray that I will read this and run back up the mountain as fast as I can!

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